Tennessee Sounds Good To Me. And Apparently, Everyone Else.

For the record, I am not a fan of Tennessee. I was bumbling around for Virginia residency the second I arrived at college. That is, until I realized that while it's horrendously flawed, Tennessee is probably the coolest state in the USA to be from. Yeah, I went there. You see, I knew all about TN's bad reputation. I'd seen that TV show with the hillbillies. And people, the stereotypes are 100% true; keep on laughing. So naturally, I didn't want people asking me if I was attracted to my cousin, or listening for an accent that isn't there. So like any yella bellied coward who done went and forgot his roots, I kept silent. But gradually, I started giving myself away. I kept holding doors for people. I refused to let my lady friends pump their gas, and I kept giving up my seats for strangers. I call salespeople “sir” or “ma'am” and tell them to have a good day. And then I realized- TARNATION- I am a Southern Gentleman! My secret is out. I remember my first time I was asked where I was from in a large group setting. I stood up and said “....tennessee....” sheepishly. And waited for the blows of judgment to rain down on me. Surely people were squinting now, looking for my lazy eye or 11^th toe. Instead I heard a “YEAH THAT'S RIGHT! YEEE HAW!! WHAT PART?” I said Kingsport, and the rest is history. As it turns out, everyone has a sister or uncle or cousin of some sort down here in the Volunteer State. Plus, people seem to think we're all pretty cool. And that I can do dangerous redneck things like skin a coon and make my own moonshine still (I can't.) These days when I go home, I stick my head out of the sunroof and greet my home state properly- by bellowing YEE HAW at the top of my lungs as we cross the state line. I suppose it's my apology for being ashamed. But it's also a tribute to my recent acceptance and gradual love of my roots. We Tennesseeans have a reputation for backwardness and bad hygiene, it's true. But what people look for the most is honesty and kindness, and they'll always find it. I can't stay in the South. But it's not because I'm not Southern. My White Guilt won't let me live peacefully in the former Confederacy. Plus, I long to live in a city that Spell Check actually recognizes, with a lot of history. A city by the ocean, maybe that has an IKEA, and a cool sports stadium, and a P.F. Chang's or 4. So it's off to the North with me. But I'll be singing Rocky Top the whole way.

In closing, a short list of things that make Tennessee great:

-Coke

-chivalry

-pulled pork sandwiches

-ribs

-heck, bbq in general

-barefootedness

-mamaws (grandmothers, Southern style. Y'all Yanks don't got 'em)

-being able to say “drank” instead of “drink.” As in “Imma get a cup of BLUE DRANK.”

-the UT Vols

-potato salad

-thunderstorms

-Rocky Top

-country ham

-Knoxville

-Oprah

-y'all

-porch swings

-and no state income tax. (ha!)