Yeah, I Go To College. Suck It.

I have about 37 minutes til I can take my laundry out of the washer. Awesome.
Maybe it's time I talked about my school. I go to Southern Virginia University. It's in Buena Vista, VA.
You know where that is? Me neither. There are 11 people and a couple of dogs here. I moved from Kingsport, TN which has the following list of accomplishments:
"World Headquarters of Eastman Chemical Company!"
.....and....
"Nothing!"
to BV, which doesn't have a list. Not a lot of people read here. There are a lot of sex criminals here. It's sort of creepy. The closest Starbucks is about 30 minutes away. Don't even ask me about Chick-Fil-A, Ralph Lauren, Dick's Sporting Goods, Target, Best Buy.... Those former staples are phantoms of memory now.
But I do love my school. It's basically Hogwarts.
....Well.... With a lot less magic. And a lot more Mormons.
I live in a mansion. ThugzMansion, actually. Yes, you heard me correctly. Logic escapes me, but me, a couple basketball kids and the entire lacrosse team comprise our school's only attempt at a frat. We're all white...
We're all pretty smart, and pretty much just not thuggish at all.
What is life in ThugzMansion like? Well, you could follow us on #Twitter. We're real into that.
Or don't, dang. No need to get all defensive about it.
 But picture a hall full of lanky college freshman boys.
There are longboards, Halo tournaments, "naked darts,"(not a fan) freestyle rap contests,
and one too many ukuleles. Don't play the ukulele and not be Hawaiian
 and still expect me to like you or respect you.
At all.
Somehow, I still manage to fit in, even though I live what most medical experts would call a "chronically sedentary lifestyle." This is just a fancy doctor way of saying that I am lame. I can't play sports, I watch a lot of television, and I eat a lot of food....in bed.... (No, I'm not depressed. I just like to eat and I have no chair.) Basically I'm awesome. Truly. Ask just about anyone. Just about.
I guess I should tell you why, and let you judge accordingly.
I love traveling. More than anything. I love to eat and sleep and drive cars and watch TV. I love watching the Boston Celtics. They are so legit. (Bite me, Kobe.)
I love hanging out with my friends. I keep them entertained.
And give them pretty MapQuestish directions. Because I'm a freak like that.
And because I live in Buena Vista, VA, I go to DC pretty much errrrday.
It's either that or jump off bridges with my friends into the random Lynchburg river.
Or go to Waffle House or Wal-Mart or some other God-awful dump.
Basically you should come visit, obviously.
Don't forget your rape whistle, probably your handy dandy noose, and car with enough gas to get to Washington, D.C.